How to Win Friends and Influence People
 

If you are having trouble maintaining your relationships and friendships, here is your all time solution; How to win friends and influence people, a book by Dale Carnegie. By reading the concepts in the book and applying them to your daily life, you will find a transformation in the way people behave with you. It elaborates various practical techniques to win the hearts of people.The principles and techniques suggested in the book are very simple and easy to implement. So, let's get started.

Fundamental techniques in handling people

Principle-1 Don’t criticise, condemn or complain

If you want to win hearts of people, stop criticising them. Never criticise anybody for anything. If you criticise others, they will defend themselves and you will land in their list of most disliked persons.

“Any fool can criticise, condemn  and complain, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

By criticising people, we  tend to judge them from our point view, which is incorrect.

“ Don’t criticise them, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

Principle-2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.

“ The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

Who doesn’t like compliments! Every human being urges to be appreciated. Everybody likes to be important. If you start giving compliments to people, you will surely be in their good books. But wait! The appreciation must be genuine and heartily. Showing sincere appreciation can change a person’s life.

“Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

Don’t be stingy in giving appreciation to people around you and you will see a remarkable change in their behaviour towards you. Start appreciating the small deeds of people you live with.

Principle-3 Arouse an eager want in other person

Our whole world revolves around us. Try to get into the shoes of other person. Figure out what they want. What they like to talk about. The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s  point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own”

By simply getting to know what the other person’s want, you can link their desire to your subject.

 

6 ways to make people like you

Principle – 1 Become interested in other people

People are not interested in you, they are interested in themselves. They would talk of their deeds, their emotions, their reactions and so on. If you really want  others to be interested in you, be interested in them. Ask  questions about their interests.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Do good things to others. Help them out, support them when they need, greet them with enthusiasm. Show them that you value their presence. This way they will surely be interested in you.

Principle -2 Smile

“The expression one wears on face is far more important than the clothes one wears.”

Don’t have words to greet! Just give a smile. What a better way to let the other person know that you are glad to see him. A hearty smile is an indication that you acknowledge the presence of other person.

“You must have a good time meeting people, if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.”

Your smile is a messenger of your good will. It brightens the life of all who receive it.

Principle -3 Address everybody with their names

People are more interested in listening to their name. It gives them identity. It makes them stand out in the crowd. The ability to remember names will do wonders in your business and social gatherings and every field of life.

“The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual."

Principle – 4 Be a good listener

Listening is different from just hearing. Be genuinely interested in what the other person is talking about by simply looking at the talking person or nodding your head. Pay attention to the speaker. Encourage others to talk about themselves. It gives them importance. Humans want merely a friendly & sympathetic listener to whom they could unburden themselves.

Principle -5 Talk in terms of other person’s interest

Instead of making yourself the centre of attraction of the talks, try to make the other person take this opportunity. If you give them an opportunity to talk, they will express to you more conveniently.

Principle – 6 Make the other person feel important

“ The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.”

Everybody wants to feel important. You can make the other person’s day by giving a little appreciation. But make sure that you do this with sincerity. Try to give compliments to people on their efforts or just recognise their good and kind deeds. They will feel on the top of the world. If you see someone struggling in life , your words of encouragement can do wonders to that person.

How to win people to your way of thinking

Principle -1 Only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it

Don’t ever get into an argument. In argument, both sides try their best to convince the other party that they are wrong. It’s a never ending competition. If you win the argument, you may lose the trust of the other person. If you lose it, the other person will dominate you every time. Let disagreement be disagreement and do not take it to the level of argument.

Principle – 2 Show respect for other’s opinion

“ Never begin by announcing “ I am going to prove so and so to you.” That’s bad. That’s tantamount to saying : “I am smarter than you are. I am going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.” This is a challenge as it arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you even before you start.”

Do not show the other person that you are superior to him in any way. Each person we meet in life has something special in him. Everyone has his own way showing their talent. By letting the other person down, you cannot make yourself superior.

“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”

Principle – 3 If you are wrong, admit it

Nobody is perfect in this world. It is completely okay if you make mistakes. Accept it. There is no harm in accepting it.Don’t be shy if you are wrong, admit it.

“There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s error.

Principle -4 Begin in a friendly way

Be it a speech or letter or talking to acquaintance or addressing a group of unknown persons, always start in a friendly way. It keeps the other person involved.

“A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”

Principle -5 Get the other person saying yes yes immediately.

“In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ.”

If we get the other person say “yes” from the starting of the conversation, it becomes easy to convince him on anything. So next time if you think of starting the talk directly with the point of differences, change your plan!

Principle – 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

It is a better idea to let the other person do the majority of talking. He might be carrying a heavy load of emotions to unload on your shoulders. If you interrupt, he may feel hurt. Listen to them patiently. Lend them your ears with open mind.

Principle – 7 Let the other person feel the idea is  his /her

Before doing a favour for others ask them what they want. If you want to be a good marketing person ask the customer what he want your product to be like. This way other person is more likely to open up to their ideas and needs.

Principle – 8 Try to see things from others point of view

Whenever you feel the other person has done something wrong in a particular situation, try to step into the shoes of that person. May be he has done far more better than you would have done.

“ Seeing things through other person’s eyes may ease tension”

Principle – 9 Be sympathetic with other person’s ideas and desires

If you want to win people your way, lend those sympathetic ears of your to them and appreciate their ideas and desire rather than making comparisons and mocking at them.

Principle – 10 Appeal to the nobler motives

All people you meet have a high regard for themselves, so in order to make them think your way appeal to the nobler motive.

Principle – 11 Dramatise your ideas

If you want attention, dramatise your ideas. You have to use showmanship. Television and movies do the same thing.

Principle – 12 Throw down a challenge

Throwing down a  challenge can make other person prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. All people have a desire to feel important. This way they will find a chance and can feel a sense of achievement.

 

Be a Leader

Principle – 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation

“It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.”

So, the idea is to tell other person to do a thing in a different way by initially praising his ongoing deeds.

Principle – 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

This way you can constructively criticise the other person and not be hated for it. Like discussed in earlier topics, start with appreciation, and then move to the area of improvement.

Principle – 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person

“Admitting one’s own mistakes- even when one has not corrected them- can help convince somebody to change his behaviour.”

Principle – 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

No one likes to take orders. Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable, it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.

Principle – 5 Let the other person save face

Don’t play with the feeling of others, finding faults and hurting or insulting them in front of others. Try to understand them. Let them stand with a pride.

“ I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

Principle – 6 Praise the slightest improvement

Let’s recognise even the slightest improvement. Use praise instead of criticism. Major transformations also start with little improvements.

“Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.”

Principle – 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live upto

“ If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.”

Principle – 8 Make the fault seem easy to correct

Use encouragement to make people correct their faults. If you tell the other person straight away that he is stupid or dumb at certain things, he will condemn and always resist to change. Instead use praise and encourage them to do things in a different way. You will surely win their trust.

Principle – 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on benefits to others. Convince people to your way of thinking. Make them glad by doing things you suggest.

 

 To read more books summaries of Dale Carnegie, do read How to stop worrying and start living.

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